Future Projects and Past Projects

Please be sure to scroll down the blog to see the current projects.

I'm posting the past projects for posterity. If you would still like to do some, do a group or just buy one already done (in my copious spare time), give me a call.

I'm working ahead on some pretty purrrrfect projects. No pictures (yet), but they include a fabric covered pail recipes box. Fabric, ribbon and chipboard along with some other embellishments will be a pail of a project.

I'm also working on a Birthday book with a couple of surprises. You'll have to wait to see it. You'll never forget another birthday (although I wish I could forget mine...)

I'm also ruminating over a yearly planner. I should have scheduled this one sooner, but watch out, I may be able to squeeze this one in the December schedule between Christmas and New Year's Day. This will be a workshop class (which means you will be my slave for 4 or 5 hours). Watch the blog and the store sample board. This is a kicker nice project and we will be using the Basic Grey notching tool for this project (if you haven't used it before and wondered what it was for). It will be a 3-ring hard-bound fabric cover with lots of ribbons and the calendars will switch out so you can use it year to year.

An last. but not by any means list, the will be a new version of the purse! Can't let the cat out of the bag (no pun intended) quite yet, but you will love it and it has SO many possibilities.

And, in case you didn't know, I DO teach Adobe Photoshop Elements classes for all you digital photographers (and those of you who get a digital camera for Christmas). You will not be able to find these classes ANYWHERE else. I've been working in Photoshop (big expensive brother) for over 20 years as a graphic artist and have digital gear up the wazoo (yeah, that's gonna hurt). We start with the basics and move on to advanced lessons like image collaging, vignetting, painting effects and making your own brushes and stamps. We are currently using PSE4 as the need to go to PSE5 hasn't made a case for me yet. Maybe later. These classes are offered in my home. I have a complete training set up (projector, screen, lessons, some laptops for those of you who do not have your own), and best of all, I'm bi-platform. For a former MacAddict, it was a bit of a change to work and teach from the PC, but I think Adobe Photoshop Elements is the BEST program, BAR NONE for image editing on any platform, PC or Mac. Adobe has done color image editing for 20 years and they know what they are talking about when it comes to color. They eat every other programs for lunch (I won't mention names, but MS wouldn't know color and calibration if it slapped them silly--don't bother). I'll be getting up my own website on this training soon, called FixThatPicture. It will feature my recommendations for hardware, software, printers, cameras, scanners, etc. Of course you know soon is such a vague and nebulous term...

Butterfly Wall Clock

And our last project.

The Butterfly Wall Clock
Dates: Dec 7 Northside: 1-3pm, Dec. 8 Southside, 1-3pm Cost: $10

This 8" x 8" clock is the perfect size to either display on your desk/table or to hang from the wall (hanger included). With a "Time Flies" theme with butterflies, it is right on target for the holidays, as we know how "Time Flies" when you are trying to find that perfect gift for a friend, colleague or family member. All supplies are furnished (including the clock movements). Tools and supplies you need to bring are (of course) Terrificaly Tacky Tape (red line tape), thicker is better for this one, ideal would be half-inch and 1" tape. Also bring pop dots, scissors and a paint brush. Also a Crop-a-dile might come in handy but an old fashion eyelet setter will work too. If you have some needle nose pliers, they would be handy as well (something with a small tip, or jewelers pliers). Have I dropped enough hints about the Crop-a-dile?

"What Christmas Means to Me" explosion box

OK ya'll, this is THE project of the season. You DO NOT want to miss this one! If you have to arrange an alternate date, do it, but you will WANT this project.

"What Christmas Means to Me" Explosion Box
Dec. 14 Northside: 1-3pm, Dec. 15 Southside, 1-3pm Cost: $12
This WONDERFUL heritage Christmas box is one you will want to keep and look at every year. When you take the lid off, the box falls open revealing an ornament place card holder for you to put your family name and year on it. There are a total of twelve tags in the four sides for you to pull out with a ribbon to put a picture of a family member and name, and on the back of the tag, they write what Christmas means to them. This can be adapted for other holidays as well. You can put in new tags each year, then sit back and reminisce about holidays gone by. All paper and embellishments are provided (although some substitutes for paper may be made). Tools and supplies you need to bring are thin (really thin) Terrifically Tacky tape or a glue pen, corner rounder—if you have one, pop dots, glue dots, any size stapler (color staples provided), and scissors. And, of course, yourself!

December Craft Classes—Post One, Yippee!

FINALLY!!! Here are pictures of projects. Blogger Beta hasn't let me upload for the past week, the littler bloggers! I'm starting with the Accordion Hearts and Blocks class. Here is the description for this class. It's a two-for, so a real deal and so easy to do!

Accordion Hearts/Photo Cubes
Dec. 16, 10am-12pm Northside Store (only opening) Cost—$7 for BOTH classes
The Accordion Heart ties up with ribbons into a heart shape, but when you untie it, the heart becomes an inspirational piece with words of encouragement on every side. You can set it on a table or pull it all around into a circle and tie the ends for a fully open hanging ornament. Beautiful ribbons, beads and paper make this a cute gift for a friend! Supplies are provided for this class. The tools and supplies you need to bring are scissors, folding bone or similar, and a 1/8" hole punch.

The Photo Cubes are a fast and fun way to use some of those smaller pictures to display family and friends. We'll use cardstock and embellishments (stickers, rub-ons, letters, etc.) along with our pictures to create a cute set of photo cubes. The tools and supplies you need to bring are 1 package of 1 1/2" wooden blocks (they come 6 to a package for $2.99 in the wood craft section), a paint brush, pictures that can be trimmed to about 1 1/4", a square punch about that size ,if you have one (McGill has one in the tool isle at the 1 1/2" size and smaller), if you don't, then an exacto knife, ruler and cutting mat. If you want to age them, bring a brown chalk ink pad. (Just a factoid for you die-hard scrapbooker/crafter types, you may have seen the BE wooden block photo cube sets at your local scrapbooks store—for—wait for it—$13.00! Unbelievable! Nothing else with them but nine 1 1/2" wood blocks. Buy the Hobby Lobby blocks, with a coupon, two sets to make 12 and you still haven't spent more than $3.60 plus tax.) We're not that gullible are we?

The cost for both classes is only $7! You pay $7 and get TWO projects!

All the new projects can be seen at both Hobby Lobby stores. I've reschedule the Accordion Hearts/Photo Block class to Saturday, Dec. 16 from 10a to 12a at the Northside store (only slot available at the stores).

Of course those of you who have already taken my classes know you can schedule a class time to suite your schedule, just give me a call (350-4569 my direct cell phone, you can still call the other number, but it forwards to my cell). We can still do past projects and also I can do groups, and to a limited extent, kits. I've been doing a lot of groups on weekends, especially Sunday afternoons, so if you have some friends, come on over and have a good time! Just give me a ring (or email) call to arrange a time. Some people have been asking me if I will sell the projects (as they don't have time to make them. I will sell them, but the cost is higher since I have to do all the work and no one to keep me company but the cats, who want to hole punch my paper and eat my ribbon. If you would like to do this, give me a call and I'll see what I can do.

This month's classes have an extra surprise with them as a THANK YOU for coming to take the class. It might be edible (although I always have cholates and drinks if we here at the house) or it may be a surprise mini project. You know me, I am full of surprises!

Long time, no blog

Story of my life. I start something and then life gets in the way. When did we all get so busy? I can't believe it is November and I haven't posted since August. Wow. That means one of two things, too much going on, or, I'm just not that interesting. It's probably the second but I'll look on the bright side and hope it's the first one.

My inlaws came down and spent a couple of weeks with us. They live in Canada up on Lake Huron, but they are British and still have a pronounced British accent. It is always fun to go shopping or out to eat with them as the looks on the other people's faces as Christine and Peter talk is priceless. Some people just flat can't understand them. They do use a few different words for things than we do. A washcloth to us is a flannel to them. A secature to them is a pruning shear for us. There are others but those come to mind first. When someone from England tells you they are going to "spend a penny," that's their way of telling you they are going to the restroom. Long story to explain that one. We really enjoy their visits as we don't get up to Canada very often to visit the family.

The kicker part is that we try to send all our Christmas gifts for the the neices and families (no nephews, the Conquest line on this continent is at an end) back up with Cliff's parents, which means getting them done by the end of October. Last time we tried mailing them (in November) they didn't get them until February. I foolishly made a decision several years ago that I would make all my gifts because no one remembers a gift card. And it is even harder to buy a gift card for a store here that will work in Canada as well. No Hobby Lobby where they live. So I lived in my craft room for two weeks. Christine even helped me make some of my projects (can't say what they are as those kids are too web literate and I think someone up there knows the blog). So mum's the word. Although Mum is what we call a flower but what the British call their Mom's. Confusing, eh? NOW we're speaking Canadian. :-)

I've been teaching some craft classes here at the house and having a great time doing it. Nothing like a bunch of women with chocolate and glue and ribbon! The cats aren't liking it much as I won't let them jump up on the tables and show off their butts to everyone. I know they are pretty proud of their backends, but if I got up on a table and wagged my butt in everyone's face, I wouldn't have any friends! Heaven forbid if it was a bare butt like the cats have! LOL! OK, too much imagination. I have a magnet that says, "You aren't anybody until you've been ignored by a cat." I guess we are all somebodies as our cats are waving their tailends at everyone 5 minutes after our guests have had a seat. I guess that's encouraging. It gives "Cat-Friendly house" a whole new twist. Maybe we need a sign that says, "Beware of Cat Butts" as you walk into the house. Forewarned is forearmed. I could go on, but I'm sure I lost you at the part about me wagging my butt.

I was remiss...

I should have said yesterday that my Dad is doing very well since his two surgeries. Yes, they had to go back in a second time to remove a disc but he has felt virtually no pain from either surgery and was doing so well, they sent him home, not to rehab. The back of his neck looked like a zipper but they took the staples out this past week. Now he will start some low key rehab but we are so very thankful that the Lord showed us mercy again and gave him healing in a way that can only be attributed to His glory and grace and the prayers of believers, those we know well and those we don't. Thank you to all of you who have prayed for our family this summer and know that God has heard your prayers. We've run the gamut but God has been good and continues to hold us in His hands. We are humbled and give all the glory to God. He is the God that heals. Jehova Jira!

Mashed Potatoes!

I was coming out of Hobby Lobby the other day, having scored a handful of those $2 note journals (the ones with Philippians 4:13 quoted on them with a cross on the front) and as I was getting in my truck, what came to mind was, "Mashed Potatoes!" I scored a deal for something I had been looking for and identified it with a TV commercial for Progressive Insurance, the one with James Brown doing his interpretation of the "customer who made it home in time for Thanksgiving Dinner." Who knows the mind of a shopper? Especially a hobby shopper. We are a weird breed. We'll pick up the last item of some coveted embellishment (and not necessarily one that you coveted, just one that "someone" has coveted) and proudly stroll up and down the isles with it prominently displayed in our basket. We'll show it to everyone who wants to see it and explain why it is such a great product. "Yeah, these Basic Grey magnetic discs are great for closures for notebooks, blah, blah, blah" and while you are yapping away, you're thinking, "how am I going to use these? But I HAVE to have them, so-and-so couldn't stop talking about them!" Or, we'll buy the same product over and over and tell everyone why they should have multiple packages of them too. "This is the only chipboard set of letters that includes numbers! You HAVE to have them!" (BTW, those are EK Success Letterpress Sticko Chipboard Letters & Numbers--I KNOW you want to buy them!) I have personally convinced at least two people and one salesperson that they had to purchase several sets of these for any number of cool projects. And really, they ARE the only set of chipboard numbers that I know of. If anyone else knows of any others, let me know! I COVET chipboard numbers. Making my own sucks. Especially when you would really like to have them 2" tall.

I've been working on some craft projects that I will be teaching soon. If I get my digital act together, I'll post some pictures. One of them even includes the chipboard numbers. My DH can no longer say that I don't do anything with my craft stuff. I've actually completed several projects and have had a couple of play days! WOW, Vicki gets out of the house and socializes with something that says something other than "Meowowow!" It's good to have an adult conversation again (nothing against the DH, but he isn't FEMALE and doesn't understand that a conversation involves two people talking to each other, not him talking to the TV). I'll probably have to start singing him to bed too...

What happened to summer?

Boy, time just seems to fly by. This summer has seemed like one of those black holes that just keeps sucking things down into it. The harder you resist, the faster you go in. "Grab the cat, grab the cat! Oh, there he goes, and his hairballs too. Sigh." I had so many things I wanted to do this summer (I started to write simmer, and that is probably a Freudian mistake because simmering we are). As I write, my health seems to be on an uphill swing but my Dad had surgery yesterday for paralysis in his arm. Today that are talking about taking him back in because now his OTHER arm is showing more weakness than the original arm. Go figure. He had severe compression with 4 vertebrae in his neck and had nerve damage and some spinal cord damage. They put in two rods and 8 screws. He was liking the drugs though. He was cracking jokes left and right last night. I though I was going to PMP several times (it didn't help that I had just drank a huge glass of soda). It was good to see him in good spirits. Our whole family is keeping the medical industry in Springfield in business this summer. My sister had her gallbladder removed several weeks ago. I'm waiting for one of the cats to have a "tailectomy". teeheehee! I don't know which one would look the stupidest without a tail. I might have to do a little Photoshop work and see how that comes out...

So, for my last thought, we've been talking amongst friends about how we get our cats to come to bed. We run a tough bedtime schedule because of personality clashes. We can't leave Pewter out at night with Kahlua (he don't like her ONE little bit, don't know why). So, Kahlua stays in our bedroom during the day, and at night Pewter and Maki sleep in our room and Kahlua stays out with Mr. Sniffy and Coon. We used to try to chase all the cats down to get them in the bedroom. This got old as Maki had her game whiskers on and just about the time you would reach down to pick her up, she would run away about 6 feet and sit. We would go around the room this way three or four times. It sucks when you realize your cat is smarter than you are. So, I started singing "Mary had a little lamb" in the highest most squeakiest voice I could. I was like the pied piper of Hamlin. She followed me wherever I went. And surprise, surprise, so did Pewter. So that is how I get them to bed, I stand at the bedroom door and start singing "Vicki had a little cat, little cat, little cat..," and here they come, Pewter sashaying and Maki jogging down the hall as she is sure there must be a dead animal in the room she could eat because it sure sounded like it was dying...

Craftin' Pincushion

Boy, have I been at it! The erstwhile pincushion (I'm surprised there is any blood left in me) has actually completed two (yes TWO!) craft projects this week. That is a new world record! Usually I manage one every couple of years. Even my husband was excited for me. Just kidding. I did a mini album and an explosion box (pictures of box at left). I had to do a little original thinking (boy was the smoke rolling out of the house, I am sure the neighbors thought I was shooting bottle rockets at the cats!). I was following a pattern on a Mini Book class I missed and realized that they had skipped a letter (A,B,C,D,E,F,G,H,I,K,--no J). Being the perfectionist that I am, I HAD to add the letter. I thought I was going to have a panic attack with the thought of having to come up with something of my own. I finally came up with something and felt like a pretty fart smeller (uh, pretty smart feller). Then, as I got ready to put on the last page, I realized I put in one too many pages. Lord have mercy, I had to come up with ANOTHER letter (L) and page design. I've moved up to smoke bombs by now. About the time I had the last idea, the DH starts up the riding lawn mower inside our "John Deere" room, which has a smoke alarm in it tied to the rest of the house,and yep, off they all went. I thought it was a message from the Lord, "I gave you one original thought, two is pushing it." Normally the DH doesn't start the mower in the JD room, but he said he was tired of pushing it out of the room through the double doors (aka, LAZY). Amazing how long alarms can go off when carbon dioxide is involved. He had to stand on a stool for about 15 minutes along with two fans and fan the alarm so it would stop. As soon as he would quit, they'd start all over again. Bet he doesn't do THAT again.

So, I finished the book and decided to go all in and do my explosion box kit. As usual, I had to make adjustments. One of the precut pieces was the wrong size. I actually had to use my math skills (OK, the calculator on my Mac) to figure out how much needed to come off. I only had a picture to go by, so there was a lot of winging it which almost cost me a bottle of valium. I decided I wanted the lid sides thinner, and the kit didn't come with the ribbon or the rub-on letters so I actually had to make more creative choices from my stash. The room was spinning. Cliff says it's not a stash, it's a store. Whatever. I pulled out some cute flower ribbon for the lid, some bubble letters and decided to put "kitty friends" on the top since the letters were a lot smaller than the rub-ons (it was supposed to be "friends"). Then, for my "coup de gras" (my hubby speaks French, those silly Canadians have to be bilingual) I used punched retro flowers covered with Mod Podge on the box sides. Too cute. Even the hubby liked it, and he wasn't lying this time, I don't think. It's so hard to read those British Canadians...

But wait, there's more!

Life is strange. All things happen for a reason, but occasionally I wish God would send me an email and spell it out. "Vicki, you twit, that's not what I want you to do, do this instead!" I'm pretty hard headed. It usually takes a couple of whops to get my attention. I guess I've had those this month. So Lord, I'm listening. Just for your entertainment, here are a couple of pics from the hospital. One is of Stephanie, one of the lovely ladies that made my stay at Casa Cox South bearable. The other is of me doing what I do. Work on my computer and look yellow (Atabrine folks, makes the skin look yellow but my eyes are still white, no liver problems here). Me and my Mac are not soon separated. Note the stuffed kitty. My momma loves me, she got me a kitty because she knew I missed my babies. I probably have that goofy morphine look. Oh well. I think you can see Spike and Buster off to the left, just hanging out like the gang should be.

The arm is doing better, the second clot was up around ye old armpit but the pain is better. I did end up having to take Lovenox shots in my stomach for 6 days and they doubled my rat poison intake. Evidently I must have sludge for blood. They wanted me to give myself the shots and, after I woke up, I said I didn't think that was a good idea. Luckily I have an awesome friend in the medical profession who was kind enough to give me my shots. The most comical setting was the Sunday shot at the hospital (no, it wasn't me in this time, but my grandmother). My friend came over and visited with my parents, sister and I and then we adjourned to the restroom to get my shot. We had my friend's Dr. ID in case someone came in and saw us shooting up in the girls room. There was lots of giggling going on. Luckily, we had no witnesses. I thought my Sunday shot was my last one (it started originally with 3) but after bloodwork on Monday, we got another round of 3 plus a double on the rat poison. Guess I'll be on that for a very long time.

For those of you who want a piece of me this week, forget it. I'm booked. I'm living at Ferrell-Duncan all this week. Everyday. Doctor hopping. Bloodwork schmoozing. Everyone knows me by name at the cashiers desk and lab. They are all very nice, too. Of course, since Hobby Lobby has a 40% off coupon this week, I printed 10 or 15 of them and I use one a day and hand them out to everyone I see. It makes the trip to the southside of town worth it. After I found out I had the blood clots, I called my husband and told him, and of course he was upset, so I told him I was so depressed that I needed to go spend some money at a couple of craft stores. I was hoping I could squeeze three out of it, but I evidently didn't work it hard enough. Opportunity lost. Bummer. Dumb bean counter...

Clots R Us

Just when you think things are getting back to normal, there always seems to be something to throw off your game. A normal day for us is to get up, clean up the midnight cat yak (someone ALWAYS yaks during the night—5 cats, 4 long-haired, they groom each other, ya know where I'm goin' with this...). Since I've come home from the hospital, things have slowly progressed to normal, I can now sleep to 6:30A, I can eat something besides Cream of Wheat (Tuna Helper is my friend), still can't do soda (THAT is 6 weeks and counting without Code Red, another two weeks and they'll have to lock me up), and I am getting used to that whop that liquid hydrocodone packs. In fact, I thought to myself on Monday, "Self, I think you can now do without momma's little helper, you're doing pretty good." Well, nothing like a self-righteous statement to give you a little kick in the patootie. I wake up Tuesday morning, start working on my computer and think, "wow, my left elbow hurts, I wonder what I hit it on?" As the day wore on it started hurting more like a toothache in my arm. Still, I'm a pretty clumsy ditz, so I figured I had clocked it somewhere along the way and didn't think much more of it until I went to bed. By then, it hurt for my clothing to touch it, and needless to say, there is no comfortable way to sleep in bed when the inside of your elbow hurts except for flat on your back with your arm up in a swastika move on a pillow. By Wed. AM, me and momma's little helper are connected at the hip and I called the Doctor. As if I hadn't had enough of that this month. Upshot is, one "venous doplar" later and I have two blood clots in my left arm. Who knew they hurt? Dang, it's a real buzz kill. I need a slave to carry my arm around for me. Just the weight of it stretching those poor little veins is enough to drive me to drink Code Red. So, now we get to add another pill to the cadre of medication. I have officially eclipsed my Mom on the number of pills taken together at one time, which I thought was a complete impossibility (she has Rhuematoid Arthritis among a host of other things—Lord lover her, she's a trooper). So, my arm now comes with instructions, "don't rub it, don't put heat on it (but it hurts mamma, please?), just don't use it unless you have to." Duh. Run that one by me again. Don't use it... Nothing like an IV to give you a few blood clots. And just when I thought all the real fun was over...

Home Again

Home sweet home! Ah, never a better cliche than that! But now that I'm here, I just a bit ticked off. First, I wake up every morning at 5:30A (blood taking time), expect someone to bring me my pills and stuff when I need it (hey, getting waited on, even by the institution is nothing to sneeze at--no pun intended), start looking for breakfast at 6:30A (and I never used to eat breakfast, if you call Cream of Wheat breakfast), and then the finger-poking (blood sugar), vitals every hour it *seemed*, and then there's lunch (soup, pudding-like stuff, jello), and then more drugs, a nice nap or chatting with the nurses and the PCA's (GREAT bunch of folks there on 9 East), read a bit (morphine really inhibited my ability to stay focused for more than three minutes, so I am sure I read the same thing over and over and over... Then there's supper, more vitals, more poking, more pills (slid down courtesy of viscous Lidocaine--great tasting stuff with a texture to die for...), Cliff came over, watched me pick papers and gnats out of the sky (hey, I'm telling ya, that morphine stuff makes things seem REAL! I could have been the Velveteen Rabbit!) and then some TV. Now, here I sit at home, no one to tell me when to take my pills, feed me Breakfast, Lunch and Supper (I really miss the part where they brought my food tray and I had to tell them to take half of it back because it did meet the dietary requirements PRINTED ON THE SHEET!) For example, soft liquid, bland diet, no acidic or spicy foods. What did I get? Orange juice (insert other fruit juice here too), tomato soup, stuff with chocolate, bulky foods, etc. So now I have to figure all that stuff out myself. Bummer. The worst part? No one to talk to but the cats. I really enjoyed talking to the nurses and PCA's. I really miss them. They made what would have been a very crappy two weeks into something with fond memories to go along with the "what the heck is going on with me?" memories. I tried to take pictures when I became lucid enough to realize I should make a mini-book or something about this event. I'll try to get some posted.

I had some really great friends stop by and see me, I was really surprised. I'll apologize now for anything I said that didn't make sense. Everyone was so thoughtful, I had some beautiful flowers and cards, and my friend Rebecca brought me this most wonderful bag full of goodies and 2 (and I said TWO) scrapbook magazines to read--and TWO I hadn't read. I am sure I read them three times but as I look at them now, I don't remember a thing...

I'm still here....

Yep, still sitting in the hospital but doing much better. I'm off my morphine pump and off the IV and various other bags of stuff they hung up on old "spike" (my name for my IV pole). Buster is gone too (so no more urges to go wee wee in the wee hours of the night). Buster was my saline/potassium bag--I figure he'd bust if he got dropped, so he got named Buster. The rest of the little bags (there had to be 50 if there were 4) were referred to as "the gang". I had more infusers going, bleeping, ringing, etc. Now I just have a port and I get anything I need by IV, they use the port. So I am wire/tube free. There's nothing worse than needing to make your bladder gladder when you have to unplug two electrical plugs for the infusers, gather all your tubing and morphine dosing cord and get you and Spike to the bathroom without peeing your pants first. Too much anticipation. I'm looking around the room for some Depends (geez, they have everything else in here!), but no luck. I made a suggestion on the form for Cox to sell them like tampons in gas stations. I don't think they listened.

When they pulled the old port last night (we tried to do an IV infusion and the vein was blown) that was a pretty painful experience. Not much you can do when they are pulling off all that tape. I thought there was going to be a fight as it I was wriggling all over the bed like a worm on hot concrete. Cliff's watching like a 3yr old in gross fascination. Luckily Jeff was very good at getting in a new port in my other arm, which I probably only need for today. Seems silly. Like waiting here for doctors to show up so I can go...

Well, I hate to say this post is coming from not my favorite place. The one place I have never been before. The place where you Willa probably see lots of typos because the Morphine is messing with my head and fingers. The dreaded HOSPITAL. Yes, I've been a guest of the Hotel Cox Guest Room 913 since last Friday. Not sure when I getting out. The colonoscopy on Tuesday seemed to go well. They took two biopsies to make sure there was nothing there. I ate the next day and out it came thirty minutes later! But I don't think that the colonoscropy is related to what is going on now.

Since Wednesday was a no go for food I though Thursday would be better. With that in mind, I got a sandwich. So to my surprise, I couldn't even swallow it or the drink it came with. Several years ago I was diagnosed with Achccalcia, but it seemed this one was different, I couldn't eat or drink last time, this time I couldn't eat, drink or swallow without excruciating pain. But like a dope I kept trying to eat and drink and it got worse. I sat up all night and when Cliff got up Friday at 5A. I told him to take me to the ER. And so it begins,,,''

One endoscopy later and I was escorted up to floor 19. Evidently my esophogus is very inflamed, they took some scrapings and biopsies. They don't know why it is so inflamed, so they put me on an antibiotic and an antiviral, along with some morphine to control the pain. And I've been on a saline drip the whole time because I was very dehydrated. They came in to weigh me a while ago and OF COURSE since I haven't eaten REAL food to eat since Saturday A WEEK AGO (courtesy of the Colonoscopy that was done Tuesday) I figured it had dropped but NOOOOO, that wasn't the case. I had lost down 12 lbs and gained 10 lbs back in water weight. THAT totally sucked! So here I sit, Sunday evening and still don't know how much longer I'll be in here. I brought books but if you knew how long it took me to write this, you'd know reading is a loss.

Well..that's it for Sunday...the day of rest...

Mac Talk

So here's part of the Mac set up. I'm an old die hard Macintosh fanatic, I've been using and supporting them since 1984, mostly from a publishing/advertising/graphic arts focus. I never understood how Jobs (and Amelio and those after him) could never get a marketing campaign together that really focused on the core of the Mac experience, EASE OF USE! Criminy, what does it take to get a clue at Apple marketing? After 20 years they FINALLY come out with a two button scroll mouse?! They almost got it a couple of times (like the two guys setting up the PC and the secretary walks by a several times throughout the day and as she leaves for the day she says, "You should have bought a Mac!"). Yes, yes, their beautiful to look at, but even in the early days, when everyone whined that Macs cost more, they weren't even doing an Apples to apples comparison. Macs came with networking, sound, video, modems, microphones, etc. and those were all add-ons for PCs. By the time you added it up, Macs weren't all that more expensive (maybe $100-$150) at a time when personal computers cost $3,000 ENTRY level and you were lucky if it had a HD. Now, they get it. The new ads are AWESOME. My very special favorite is the Virus ad because it is so stinkin' true. How much productivity is lost in the PC world while IT and home users pull out their hair over viruses, spyware, malware, etc. Guess what folks--never been a problem on a Mac. Unless you want to talk about the WDEF virus and ony the old and worn among us probably remember that. You could get rid of it by rebuilding your desktop on bootup. We're still working away while your PC has the blue screen of death or has just performed and illegal operation (now that's a scary one, first time I saw that, I was looking for the cops...). Now, I know there are those of you peecee owners that sniff about how we have less than 10% of the computer market, but we're still at the top when it comes to service and reliability. How many pc's do you know that are 6 years old and still pumping out huge graphic files at print shops? Eh? None, because they died of E. Coli four years ago. And do you think PCs are doing all the compositing for X-Men, Chronicles of Narnia, The Hulk, (insert blockbuster film name here)? We may only have 10% of the market but Hollywood is a pretty large chunk of 10%. And as a reminder for those who don't know the storied history of the Mac, Microsoft Office came out on a Mac first. Before Windows ever existed. Yes, that's right, Macs ARE business machines! We can read, write and format PC disks, open practically any PC file and you're darn tootin' for sure that PCs don't do the same with Mac disks and files. With the advent of the Mactel machines which can dual boot into WinXP, who would want a computer that can only run one OS? (ok, technically two if you stick Unix on it in a dual boot--but Mac OS X is already BSD Unix.) Of course, with XP your still back in virus hell, but hey, that's your choice now, because you *could* be running the OS X side and being productively happy finally learning why Mac people LOVE their Macs. You don't hear PC people going, "OH, I just LOVE my new PC! It hasn't crashed in the last four hours, WOW! Hey, come over here and check out the movie I just made this morning."

I am not completely antagonistic about PCs. I've built 3 from scratch, I currrently own three (one desktop and two laptops) along with my other Mac gear. Since I do software training, that usually involves both platforms so reality dictates that you have to do both. The applications work the same so it is really a non-issue in most respects. I do however draw the line at working with critical color. Bill Gates wouldn't know a color engine if it slapped him in the face, whupped his rear and sat him down. Color calibration without expensive software for the PC is a joke if you have files that are headed for offset printing. I positively pee my pants when I hear people using Publisher who think they're going to take that to a commercial printer and get it printed. I will say, for those who scrapbook, I am positively impressed with Adobe Photoshop Elements 4 for the PC (and yes, I have it for the Mac too, along with the Adobe CS2 suite). Adobe has been doing color for 20 years, they know how it's done. There is no other product or manufacturer in the PC marketplace that has a image editing product that touches what Photoshop and even PSE4 can do (which, by the way, is based on the CS2 code). I've been teaching a lot of scrapbookers how to fix their pictures using PSE4 and have thoroughly enjoyed it. I've decided that I think I could do that most of the time and really get a kick out of it. That's the teacher in me who loves it when people find out they can do something they didn't think was possible. It's so cool to see their faces light up when they see the results of what they've done. Epson has some great printing products that make using PSE4 with digital cameras and scanners a joy. Add a Wacom tablet, a media card reader, a nice Belkin USB powered hub (the one wit the slot on top for slapping on that flash drive we all have without picking up the hub and flipping it over)--assuming you're using a laptop where USB ports are at a premium. Arharharharharh! Love the gadgets!!

So here's the rundown of the current set up: PowerMac G5 Duo 2.0 ghz, dual layer dvd, 2gb RAM, Radeon 256MB video, 160MB HD with a 250MB external Seagate, external 52x Lite-On CD-RW, Stratitec media card reader, Wacom Graphire3 6 x 8 tablet, D-Link Print server, Epson 2200 wide-format printer, Epson PictureMate Deluxe printer, HP 3800n Color Laserjet, Epson 3400 Photo Scanner, Yamaha speaker system, HP 23" LCD monitor (rotates to portrait), Belkin USB Hub, PowerBook G4 15" 800 mhz laptop with 768mb RAM, CD-RW/DVD ROM, external LaCie DVD-RW, and Canon EOS Rebel XT digital camera with an additional 300mm zoom lens and external flash. There's more but that's what I use on a regular basis outside of the aforementioned PCs with their own tablets, Epson scanners and printers, etc. I also have some historical pieces like an orignal Apple Laptop, the first Apple Powerbook (100), the first color PowerBook, a 11ci, 300baud modem, etc. Now, if I could just kick out a few cats and start a museum in the "cat" room (aka, the room with more than one litter box). A couple more years and someone will have to check me into the museum room...

Craftin' with Cats

I just had to post this picure of the paper purse I made at a Creations class. It wouldn't be me if it wasn't anything but cats or Macs. And since I am pretty sure Apple hasn't published Macintosh scrapbook paper, I had to go cats. I guess if I had time, I could make my own Mac paper (ohh, what a great idea, I know I could get to this before I turn 50). Anyway, this is my favorite cat paper, it's from Flair and it has cats doing all the things they actually do, including using a cat box, showing their butts, licking their private parts, clawing up the furniture, rubbing their pheremones all over every last surface in the house, sleeping, grooming and getting into bags and boxes. MY kind of cat paper. If I'm lucky, it won't get hole punched or dragged around the house or squatted in. Or groomed. That fringe looks pretty inviting to the fuzz balls here.

Cat Mania

Since I gave it up for Maki, Coon and Pewter, I thought I had better post some pics of my other darling babies. Yes, having cats is like having babies, they make "messes", they puke, get eye infections, bite, kick and scratch each other (or morph into Tasmanian Devils), yell at you when they don't get fed when they want to be fed (we refer to Pewter as "Firetruck Pew" during feeding time as he goes Merwowowowowowowower", about a ten second hang time there). They're almost as bad as spouses when you come home. Pewter gives us "the business" when we get home which includes the Firetruck meow, the barking meow and the meow he does that sounds like meow with a burp in the middle--we call it a chirp. To top it all off on the babies scale, they seem to be teething all the time. There is not a book or magazine in this house that has not been "hole punched" courtesy of Maki or Pewter. Pewter has also chewed on every corner of furnture we have. What's worse, he looks right at you, waiting to get your attention before he chomps. And they KNOW what they're doing, I think they spend all that time sleeping faking it while they think of things to annoy me. But I digress. Here is a picture of Mr. Sniffy.
It's a kind of sad story about how we got him. We found out four years ago at Christmas that our seal point Himi, Cappy (Cappaccino) had a very rare cancer and was not going to make it through the holidays. He wasn't even a year old and we were heartbroke. So we decided we needed to get another kitty. We went to the Humane Society and found the cutest gray tabby kittens. So we took home two, a boy and girl. Well, it was quickly evident that the girl kitty was very sick, so we took her back. Because we still had Cappy, we kept Mr. Sniffy (whose name was King at the time) separated. A good thing too, as he also turned out to be real sick, but we ddn't have the heart to take him back, too. So he lived in my craft room for three months, sneezing blood, sneezing in general, but VERY affectionate. Because he was so snotty for so long, and you could here him sniffing around the room even when you weren't in the room, he got the name of Mr. Sniffy and it stuck. We also ended up getting Pewter at the same time, and when the people we purchased Cappy from found out he was terminally ill, the gave us the pick of their next litter. So, we lost one and got three. Plus two (Coon and Kahlua) made five, about two more than we had intended on. Luckily we have a pretty big house or it would be chaos.

Now, let me tell you, Mr. Sniffy thinks he has the finest butt in town. He shows it to EVERYONE. He has a sucker punch, he comes up and head butts you, and when you reach to pet him, he whips around and presents his butt. We have the weird habit of talking for our cats, so we know Sniffy is thinking, "Check out my fine looking butt. See how my tail makes a perfect question mark over it and how my _____ makes the punctuation? It's the best tail in town. I KNOW you're gonna like it. Come on, take one more look, maybe two--did you see my baggy pants? Yes, all the girl kitties call me Hamma', 'cause I be down with the baggy pants." Well, we find it a humorous pasttime. Yeah, we're lame.

Our other cat is Kahlua, she is a tortie Himi. She has spent most of her life under the bed. She's 9 this year and only in the past year or so has she finally come out from under the woodworks and begged to be petted. She's still afraid of everything, but when there aren't other cats to terrorize her, she can be downright demanding for the loves. She likes to sleep in the sink in the bathroom--I'm not sure how that factors into the 'fraidy cat psyche, so I can't talk for her. Looking at her is like looking at an empty bubble. I got nothin'.

So that completes the Cathouse. Five cats, six boxes (two auto boxes), one squatter (that's Peko Orange Tea--I'll post one of him next time). You know it's bad when your neighbor's kid introduces you to her friends at church as, "This is my neighbor Vicki, she has 5 cats!" And then later, you're talking with someone else at church and you mention that the Pastor is your neighbor, and they say, "oh, so your the one with the five cats." Yep, that's us. We can't have kids so we've over compensated with cats. But at least they are all very nice, agreeable, affection cats, not like the Satan cats my Mom keeps getting. And that is another story...

One of these days, I need to talk about my Macs. I'm a certified MacAddict, a Macavist to the core (ha, no pun intended!).

Also Starring in the Cathouse...

These are pictures of Pewter, our Lilac Himi. This is a cat with Catitude. He doesn't walk around the house, he sashays. The hair on his tail is about 8 inches long, looks just like a duster. He has had several names since we got him. He started off as Pewter (because of his gray points), but then it was Pew-Pew as he had a major gas issue as a kitten. At the same time we also called him the "little Eeper" because his meow was more like an eep eep eep. He never walked anywhere--he ran, in circles around your feet, back and forth from the bedroom to the bathroom going "eep eep eep" the whole time. I just had to sit down, he made me so tired. Then, with the switch to the new dried food, he became Poo-Poo as his stomach took some time to get used to it and the big D word was the norm for a week or so. When he was younger, he liked to fetch. But it was only one certain mouse toy, one that was spotted like a Dalmation with a hot pink tail. All you had to say was "Mouse?" and up he'd come and you could throw it 20 times and he would always bring it back. By then you're like, "I'm trying to go to sleep." So then he'd throw it up in the air himself and off the bed and bring it back up etc. There was little sleep to be had during that time.

Now, he sometimes is known as Puker. When he gets too nervous about something, or a hairball that's too big, he just pukes and pukes and pukes. Like 7 or 8 times a day. Sometimes we have to take him to the vet and get him all waxed up. But mostly, he's our boo-ti-ful Pew-Pew. He so soft, he feels like a huge cotton ball. He rarely mats up and he loves to give kitty kisses. In fact, he likes to clean your teeth, so kisser beware. You always know when he wants to give you kisses. He gets that goo-goo look when he looks up at you with his eyes half closed and his ears turned sideways. Well, we think it's cute. Except the teeth cleaning bit.

Cats & Spats

It's getting real catty here in the Conquest household. Not that having 5 cats wasn't catty enough. I'm going to *try* to post some pictures of the purrpatrators involved in the latest catcaphony (please pardon my intentional misspellings).

Of our 5 cats, Coon, our black and brown tabby, is our oldest at 15 years. He IS the keymaster. He is the master of a thousand paw-slaps. If you're not *in* then don't even look at him. When he gives you "the look" (and ladies, we all know how to give "the look" so you know what I mean), all the cats visibly pull their heads back and blink, some are even known to step back and even run away (chickens!). The only cat Coon has ever let near him is Maki. She's a seal point Himi with a flat face and a tooth that sticks outside her left lip. She's like the brain dead kitty. He could give her "the look" all day long and she would be thinking "Oh, he loves my butt!" You all DO realize that the most important feature of a cat is their butt, right? If you have cats, you should be smellin' what I'm steppin' in. Coon even let her groom him.

So, to make a long story longer, Coon has recently decided to lick all the hair off his right hind leg. And I do mean all! That leg looks like it belongs on one of those hairless cats (perish the thought). So after a week of wearing the cone head collar (that's another story) and making "messes" (polite word for the big D and I don't mean Dallas word) all over the place because of the medicine that I had to pry open his jaws to give him (yet another story), we decided there had to be some other solution. So, the vet gives me this spray-on stuff, supposed to be part antibiotic and mostly stuff that tastes bad to cats so he would quit licking it. So I get home, have the obligatory wrestling match where I try to get Coon to give me his back leg, I spray it on him (an me, and the couch, etc.), and then he jumps off running and shaking his leg like he's doing the Hokey Pokey. And being the smug, fart smeller I am, I thought that was pretty easy. I was about to be given the hair raisin' of my life.

Since Maki has butt-sniffing down to an art form, she proceeded to run behind Coon trying to sniff his butt. She has to run because her legs are shorter and stretch up her head because Coon is taller. This itself is entertaining, especially when you get the butt train going where three or more are in line. This has to be seen to fully appreciate how she gets her flat face right up under the tail of the other cats--if it were any other cat, it's nose would be buried a half inch up the other cats rear. Then, after a good long whiff, my dumb-as-a-box-of-rocks, sweet-as-sugar-pie cat Maki turned into Damianna Omen herself. She started hissing, then growling then went into some high-pitched screaming and then I am sure it was the Devil himself howling in the most unearthly sounds I have ever heard come out of a cat. She jumped right on top of Coon and was clawing and spitting and yowling and he was running down the hallway with her firmly attached to his back like he was going to run out from under her. He was dumbfounded. Cliff and I were running down the hall trying to catch them to pull Maki off his back and she was still moaning and howling and hissing. Poor old Coon couldn't even defend himself, he's declawed and lost both of his top fang teeth several years ago. Maki has all her equipment (well, excepting the reproductive parts). But when it first started, Cliff and I couldn't figure out what that noise was, we were thinking maybe the Tornado Siren was going off. Then we finally realized it was coming from the smallest cat in the house. Let me tell you, the other cats split the scene so fast, they left their whiskers behind! Now it's kind of like one of those Cialis ads where Maki has gained some new-found respect. Everyone is giving her a good wide berth. She's still growling at him and she positively hates it when he sits by me. She jumps up there and starts whacking him on the head with her paw, like Chinese water torture until he gets tired of it and leaves. Then she leaves. What's up with that? You can't have her but I don't want her? I'm starting to get a complex. I'm just not sure where I stand in the household pecking order...

Flying Face Plants

No, it's not a new genus of flora, it's my new impromtu acrobatic act. My partners—a HP Color LaserJet 4500 and the DH. The DH and I were performing our balancing act with the printer as we were attempting to nimbly prance down our brick stairs from our porch. Well, let us say that somewhere our act got out-of-balance and I flew through the air like a bird in flight (possibly a pigeon) and proceeded to firmly plant my right jaw into the concrete of our driveway, closely followed by my right shoulder. Somewhere along the line my right knee clocked either a stair or the printer. I'm sure I was a vision of grace and beauty as I slid across the concrete and laid there like a gutted fish. Do fish see stars? This one did. My DH just stood there and looked at me like, "Hey stupid, what do you think you're doing down there? Get off your butt and help me get this thing in the truck!" He did finally ask me if I wanted help up but I was still doing the fish mouth "what just happened?" impersonation. I finally rolled up to a sitting position and let him help me up. We picked up the #$*&@! printer and put it in the truck. No more printer dances for me. They're brutal. Our neighbors will be reporting spouse abuse when they see me with my chin shiner. And for those of you looking for the Timex of printers? Buy an old HP 4500. They take a licking and keep on clicking out those color pages. What REALLY sucked was having to cancel my class at Creations. We were doing this nifty explosion friends box. I was afraid that if I had sharp tools I might go wild and cut up the place while trying to get up and get a drink from the fridge. They should thank me for not showing up. I'm a loose canon.

Power Tools R Us!

I almost love them as much as I love my G5 Duo with the 23" LCD. Almost. I'm trying to finish tiling my downstairs snack area. I did half of it as the house was being built, 4 years ago. I just never got around to doing the other side. So it has sat there with the hardibacker on it collecting cat hair, cat toys, various cables, routers, magazines, and the tiles that were supposed to go on it 4 years ago. Minus a few, of course, as they were casualties of the cat wars. Today I was inspired (by a looming deadline of some in-home PSE4 training for some friends) to clean it off and relayout the tiles to see what i needed to replace. Then it came to me why I didn't finish it. I cut the hardibacker a half inch larger than it needed to be for the counter top. I suddenly lost interest as I couldn't think of a quick way to fix it, so there it sat, taunting me for these past 4 years. Thanks to several Lowes gift cards we finally stocked up on some REAL power tools. I was told my Dremel tool didn't count. So now we are powered up, table saw, miter saw, circular saw, power stapler, shop vac, orbital sander, AND, a Jigsaw! Still waiting on a router, saws-all and a drill press (hint, hint, hint to the fam). Pretty much if it plugs in or uses batteries I'm all over it like Tim the Tool Man, ARH, ARH, ARH. So, ignoring every saftey rule about using tools I commenced to shaving off that extra half inch with my new favorite hand tool. In walks the DH. "You should be wearing a mask," he says. Well, duh, of course I am. But I am a Mac user, and not only do we not read manuals, we don't read directions on power tool safety. We ALREADY KNOW about power tool safety and we know when we can break the rules. I did get it done, but I blew out a couple teaspoons of mortar dust out of my nose (I did use my safety glasses), and I'll probably be coughing up premixed mortar for a few days. But it's done. Now, I have to go rent a tile saw from Home Schelpo...ARH, ARH, ARH!

Where's the Easy Button?

All I wanted to do was post to a friend's blog and somewhere in the registration process, here I am with with a blog of my own! That is just about how my life goes. You start out doing one thing and end up with something entirely different. It keeps life interesting. Once I figure this thing out, I'll have to put up something more intelligent. It's like being caught with your pants down. You didn't plan it and neither did the other party, but there it is and you're all standing there with your mouths open, totally berefit of anything to say that would sound remotely normal. "Hey, I uh, like those little cats there, uh, on your underwear..." Duh. As soon as I pull my proverbial pants up, I'll try another post.